age and size

I recently took a vacation to visit some neighbors in one of the nearby star systems. It had been so long since I last visited that I had completely forgotten the physical proporties of the local inhabitants. I had to make my way carefully through the hotel lobby where my old friend Rebecca was living. Infants and elderly dodged between and around my legs. One wrong step could easily lead to a lawsuit, or worse. Luckily most little people know that they are little and do not want to be stepped on. Still, as an outsider there is always the danger of being taken advantage of, or so old humans like me tend to beleive. A local teenager towered over me in the elevator. I finally arrive.

“My goodness, you look awful Jeffrey.”

“I never did get used to these queer parabolic lifecycles. It is good to see you in person again, Rebecca.”

“It’s good to see you, too. You know, the human lifecycle used to be pretty parabolic, too. We may not have started and ended our lives at only a few inches as the locals do, but we were still far more similar than different.”

“I’ll take your word for it, you were the genetic historian after all.”

“Come sit down and have some tea with me.”

I smile.

We always let far too much time pass between visits.

Dated

Three people have just finished watching an old film from the 20th century in their comfortable room. They proceed to share their impressions about the film. The film in question is Harold and Maude. Let’s listen in, shall we?

I thought that it was a very interesting film. I especially enjoyed the sense of rebellion that it had about it. I’m not sure I fully understand the end though.

Yes. What exactly happened to Maude?

Maude killed herself.

Well, why on earth would anyone do that?

It is a bit of an outdated ritual these days, but as you might recall there was a person just this last year who did the same thing.

I still don’t understand it.

Was she unhappy? She seemed so happy.

She was old. People had a life expectancy back then and it wasn’t very long. In those days when people got old they started to degrade. She liked being in control of her life.

How interesting.

That’s so sad. Why, I can’t imagine living in such a barbaric age.

I know. It is quite terrifying to think about.

Shall we watch another one of these old relics?

How about this one? The Matrix.

Alright, let’s do it.

Fount of Youth

Dr. Tresper is four hundred years old.

Most people are afraid of him. Others wish to steal his secret. I and I alone know where to find it.

This much, however, I am willing to tell:

There are many long lived creatures in this world. Certain tortoises and trees. The tricks for cheating death vary, but they have some  things in common. In order to live for a very long time, an organism must be good at one of these things: keeping bad things out, replacing damaged parts of itself, or doing without damaged portions of itself.

Dr. Tresper has tried all three. The mode that he prefers is replication of damaged issues. Keeping bad things out is far harder for a human than it is for a tree, and there simply is not enough body for humans to go without any portion of it that gets damaged.

The secret is hidden in the drought that Dr. Tresper always keeps close at hand. He has created a symbiotic relationship with another organism. The organism was extracted from one of the many creatures that rely on benevolent microbes for long term survival. It really is remarkable how much energy a small colony of bacteria, for example, can produce for a larger organism to use. Entire ecosystems are built on micro-organisms. The ones that live inside Dr. Tresper are, of course, very much altered from their original state. Normally the single celled organisms would go to war with the unfamiliar cells of Dr. Tresper. Nothing a little mutation doesn’t fix, though.

These creatures help Dr. Tresper to combat foreign bodies. They also provide the desperately needed service of rejuvenating genetic decay and the other handful of problems that cause human aging and eventual death.

Nobody knows exactly how long Dr. Tresper should expect to live. I would venture that he has not even as yet reached midlife. Dr. Tresper will live for a very long time indeed.

I have shared with you all that I will. May you live a long and prosperous life. Ha ha ha.