Schoolyard Disputes

Your best friend back in elementary school, you remember, the one who was an alien and showed you his secret underground laboratory–He says there may be trouble today, and gives you a watch. It’s a pretty crappy looking watch. Anyway, you tell him that you are happy to help. 

The bell rings and class starts. The Principle is waiting with a man in a black suit. They go up to the front of the classroom and the Principle makes an introduction, “This is Mr. Ructo. He is the substitute teacher for Ms. Singers today. I want you to be extra respectful today. If I find that you are not, then you’ll have to deal with me. Understood?”

“Yes Mr. Reseti,” says the class in unison. The Principle leaves and the sub speaks, “I’d like to start class today with a little game.” He pulls out a strange glowing star-shaped object. “The way it works is we pass the object around until it turns red and starts beeping. Whoever is holding it when it beeps loses.”

You over at your best friend. He looks nervous. The game begins. Just after the star thingy turns red, your best friend pulls out a weird looking gun and shoots it. A green bubble appears around it and starts spinning and shrinking until it disappears with a small ‘bloop.’

The sub, Mr. Ructo, begins to laugh maniacally. He removes his arm to reveal a spiky metal tentacle. He flings at your best friend with lighting speed and lifts your best friend with it by the neck. Your best friend looks and from the corner of his eye and chokes, “Now! Now!” You look down at your watch and twist the ring around the watch face. The watch begins to beep and flash. Suddenly, a huge metal claw reaches in through the window and grabs the sub. Your best friend is released, gasping for air. He does something to his own watch then jumps out the second story window. You stop slowly closer to the window, gently brushing shocked students out of the way.

Your best friend is now in a giant mechanical suit and so Mr. Ructo seems to continuously burst forth new mechanical limbs of varying size, shape, and threat. Your best friend uppercuts the sub into the wall-ball wall on the other side of the blacktop. He waves you over. The mech stretches a hand up toward you. You climb out onto it and try not to faint. Once you are strapped in your best friend tries to explain some things to you through a radio in the suit somewhere. You find it hard to concentrate with so many screens and readouts in front of you. 

Mr. Ructo has recovered and begins to charge at you. Your best friend tries to stop him but gets shot with a large, heavy bomb. You try to run and jump out of the way. To your surprise the machine responds to your physical movements. You successfully move out of the way. The sub comes at you again. You feel a number of buttons at your fingertips and begin to press them. First a bunch of missiles flair out from over your head somewhere. Then a machine gun goes off from your shoulder. Neither attack connects. You clutch frantically for something else is Mr. Ructo closes in, raising a menacing claw. 

Finally you grab onto something twist it and pull it. You see Mr. Ructo’s face light up with blue and surprise as a huge beam of energy bursts from your chest. Mr. Ructo disintegrates before you. The students from your class cheer from the classroom window. Your best friend gives you a thumbs up with his mech. You here his voice again in your suit, “Nice job. Now we just have to make sure we erase the memories of any adults that might have seen us.”

You simply don’t understand why he still wants to keep up the charade. Why not take credit from grown ups for saving their butts from certain doom once in a while?

Oh well. What can you do? He’s the one with secret lab, for now anyway…