bpfr

Omen

I once had a dream that my world was being destroyed. They came from outer space. Buildings crumbled as huge eliptical vessels hovered overhead. Clouds turned black as the ocean punched cars off of bridges. There was very little hope. You could find it hiding under rocks or behind doors. Hope soon lost and forgotten.

This I dreamed. Years later I would discover that on the night of my dream we humans ravaged a faraway place. My dreams must have been the untethered fears of others. Was I only a helpless observer? I have not been able to rid myself this sensation of guilt.

When you dream, believe that your dreams are reality.

Shadows of the Wandering Mind

Whenever our mind wonders into the realm of infinite possibility it creates a shadow world. Such a world  exists permanently, from that moment to forever more. I once traveled to one of these shadow worlds myself. I lost consciousness while staring into a very old mirror in the attic. I had been thinking about the past. My old teacher was in my old classroom. She asked me to take my seat. Just like that I was back in the sixth grade. After a while, I realized that the lesson didn’t make sense. My teacher was mixing things up. When I looked at the room more closely I discovered that it was incomplete. Many books lacked definition. Posters were illegible. Colors were somehow wrong, bland. Then I realized that most of the students didn’t quite have face. Yet, they were staring in my direction. I got up out of my seat and backed toward the classroom window. Mrs. Pterin said, “Angie, please return to your seat.” Her face was morphing, perhaps I couldn’t quite remember which of my elementary school teachers were which. I turned toward the window. There was nothing but shifting viscous darkness outside. I began to panic. As the tears began to swell up from behind my eyes, I began to see myself in the glass. I felt someone’s hand on my back. My insides churned and my neck bristled.

I shivered staring at myself in the mirror once again. I suspected that I had just experienced my first lucid dream. It had seemed so real, but how could it be. My father ascended the attic staircase and demanded that I tell him where I had been for the last hour. Apparently my sister had come up looking for me and could not find me anywhere.

I had truly traveled to another place.

The Brain Tree

On a planet far far away, the sunlight and seasons are so constant the vegetation thrives. In isolated areas, some plants completely dominate the landscape. In the jungles, plants are constantly struggling for superiority.

I would like to take you to a small patch of forest in the mountains. Here a single type of tree dominates. This is the brain tree.

These trees have been dominant in this part of the world for millions of years. Much like the birds of paradise in the Amazon rain forests of Earth, these trees without the pressures of other organisms progressing their natural selection have developed peculiar reproduction practices.

However, unlike the birds of paradise whose males sport fancy colors and odd shapes, the brain trees which propagate most effectively are those with the largest brains. Presumably, the purpose of the brain trees’ brains was to calculate what conditions would allow a given tree to spread the most seeds. Now, this is a completely subconscious function of the trees.

Now, the trees simply run nonsensical calculations with their brains. They are one of the only intelligences yet discovered to experience a completely internal world. For all we know, these trees may use their nonsensical calculations to imagine worlds. For all we know these worlds may actually come into being in some dimension of space time.

I wonder what a world created by a creature with no sensory receptors is like. I wonder if they might incidentally imagine something that I could sense. I wonder

Love Potion Number 68

Once upon a time, there was a mad scientist. This scientist was extremely lonely and frigid. He had never had never known the affection of another human being and also longed desperately to have an orgasm. His efforts and inventions were completely unsuccessful on all fronts.

He also experienced three unsuccessful suicides. The later of which involved electricity and tomato paste. Remarkably, it was during this final suicide attempt that he was struck with inspiration.

This mad scientist had once created a machine that would allow him to experience life vicariously as another person. Unfortunately the machine could only lock onto another person’s mind if that person was in a grocery store. Why? I’ll never know, I’m no scientist. That’s just the way it was. The thing is, people don’t tend to have orgasms in grocery stores, and even if they do, there was no way for the mad scientist to pick them out from everybody else. But perhaps, the scientist realized, a situation could be created where that wouldn’t matter.

The mad scientist had had a degree of success in causing mice and rats to have orgasms. He suspected that the same technology could be applied to humans as well. However, when he experimented on himself he discovered that there was a problem with the way his brain was wired. The experiments failed. But there was hope! If the mad scientist could only find a way to amplify the machine.

8:00 p.m. PT May 17, 2009. This is the day it happened. The mad scientist caused every person in the world to have a 30 second orgasm. This day was recorded as the day with the highest number of disasters yet has also, oddly, been marked as the first major event leading to world peace. There were many enemies who had orgasms in each other’s presence this day. Most of them couldn’t help but feel a little bit closer because of it. Some adversaries experienced a sensation of shared humiliation and decided to band together to discover the cause and kill whoever was responsible.

When all this was occurring, the mad scientist was unconscious. He had had to steal so much electricity in order to power his machine that there was simply no way to safely contain it. When he turned on his global orgasmifier, a huge surge of electricity threw him against his vicariousness device, effectively destroying it. Those who were not enemies simply became closer friends. Some became much closer friends.

When the mad scientist awoke, he attempted his fourth suicide. This time, he was successful.