Necromancer King

There was once a very powerful necromancer, by the name Kevin. Kevin kept to himself mostly. One day, the local townspeople tried to kill him because he was different. They accidentally killed his best friend Samantha instead. Kevin was never the same after this. He stopped brushing his teeth. He stopped bathing. He grew a mad long beard in which swallows nested.

Over the next two years, Kevin amassed the largest army of zombies the world had ever known. He overthrew the entire kingdom and killed everyone who looked at him funny. The reign of King Kevin was a bloody rain indeed. The only thing he enjoyed in life was Cinnamon in his coffee.

In the year 1327, a strange woman busted into King Kevin’s court. She had beady eyes and pointy teeth. She told the King that she came with the gift of knowledge. She told him of a tree of true necromancy, a tree that could bring back a soul as well as a body. resurrection

King Kevin rallied his forces and set forth on the path that the strange woman had laid before him. After 13 years of searching, King Kevin and his army finally discovered the tree of true necromancy. When Kevin finished the ceremony to bring back Samantha, the tree asked for the soul of the sorcerer in exchange for the soul of the deceased.

Now at this point in the tale two accounts are given. In one version of the story, Kevin revives Samantha in exchange for his own life. In the other, Kevin returns to his Kingdom even more derranged and agitated than he was before. I happen to know that neither of these accounts are true.

King Kevin carved an ancient spell into the bark of the tree then split the tree in half. The soul of the old tree lived in the sap. King Kevin collected the sap and used it to finish his necromantic incantations.

He and Samantha are happily alive to this very day. They survive on a healthy diet of magical tree sap. The pencils on their desks are hundreds of years old. Their house in Finland does not have a marked address, but it does have a zombie butler.

The Brain Tree

On a planet far far away, the sunlight and seasons are so constant the vegetation thrives. In isolated areas, some plants completely dominate the landscape. In the jungles, plants are constantly struggling for superiority.

I would like to take you to a small patch of forest in the mountains. Here a single type of tree dominates. This is the brain tree.

These trees have been dominant in this part of the world for millions of years. Much like the birds of paradise in the Amazon rain forests of Earth, these trees without the pressures of other organisms progressing their natural selection have developed peculiar reproduction practices.

However, unlike the birds of paradise whose males sport fancy colors and odd shapes, the brain trees which propagate most effectively are those with the largest brains. Presumably, the purpose of the brain trees’ brains was to calculate what conditions would allow a given tree to spread the most seeds. Now, this is a completely subconscious function of the trees.

Now, the trees simply run nonsensical calculations with their brains. They are one of the only intelligences yet discovered to experience a completely internal world. For all we know, these trees may use their nonsensical calculations to imagine worlds. For all we know these worlds may actually come into being in some dimension of space time.

I wonder what a world created by a creature with no sensory receptors is like. I wonder if they might incidentally imagine something that I could sense. I wonder