Orifice

In the year 3000 as people evolved into stronger and more efficient multitaskers, they grew increasingly annoyed with the limits of the oral orifice, or mouth to use the vernacular. The people elected to create a new hole in their heads for breathing. The conventional mouth would be reserved for speech and assorted gestures of physical affection.

Oddly, the vote to add the new mouth was nearly unanimous, but the discourse concerning its location was robust and unrelenting. It was eventually decided that the mastication orifice would be located at the naval as the stomach would then be adjacent to it. This would require that all restaurants redesign their tables and that a new system of dining etiquette be implemented. All this could be easily done, of course. After all, humanity had made sudden changes before (like the last time it called itself humanity) and had even become somewhat accustomed to them.

Suggestions to locate the new mouth on hands were courageously defended, but were in the end such arguments found themselves deceased and desisted.

After two decades, humanity decided to go back to its old arrangement. People found that they missed the sensation of food travelling aaaaaaalll the way down the esophagus down into the deep pits of their bellies. People then decided that longer necks were in order. Arrangements for modification of the species were made shortly after.