Coming of Age

Today the young men and women gather at the village. Today they come of age. They face three trials.

The first trial is one of patience. A huge obelisk of chocolate stands before the young men and women. A block is lopped off of the top and lobbed into ninths. Each individual places one block in his or her mouth. The block takes exactly one day to dissolve. It is too hard to chew. They will be watched. If the block leaves an individual’s mouth, that one fails.

The second trial is one of willpower. The young ones are given a very addictive substance. They are then placed alone in a room with additional doses. They are told to resist and are secretly watched. Those who overdose fail, or die.

The third trial is to build a computer, harness resources to power it, then use the computer to complete an application to NASA. The computer is then destroyed just before the application is sent. Those who take revenge with physical violence fail.

In short these trials are set up to prepare for a life of waiting, trying not to over-consume or die, doing the impossible, having terrible things happen and finding ways to deal with those terrible things that don’t end in violence.

Those who pass are told that they are not adults, just oversized children with more hair and strange sexual fetishes.

adolescent accessories

Your backpacks are at the age now when they will start to go through some physical changes. It is very important that you be properly informed so that they can go through this transition with your support. It’s a hard time for backpacks and if you don’t understand what they’re going through it will be easy for you to grow apart.

Now here are some of the changes that you can expect. Your backpack will begin to grow hair in strange places. It may begin to have growth spurts. If you have a Northface backpack it will probably develop larger pouches. If you have an REI backpack you may find that the straps will change length without warning. Your backpacks may begin to experience new feelings so don’t be surprised if they begin to behave differently than they have in the past. Don’t assume that your backpack’s are carrying drugs just because you find them under your bed or in the closet.

Most importantly, make sure your backpack knows the risks that it faces with these new changes. Explain to your backpack that if it doesn’t use protection it could end up with other backpacks rulers or calculators or that no matter how organized it is, if it isn’t careful it could become pregnant with unwanted books.