Blackout

Once someone made a material that was so black it absorbed all of the light in the galaxy for a day. The energy was too much to contain and the material vanished in a white blaze. It would have made a great solar panel if it hadn’t been quite so effective.

coke money

All this time we thought that the reason why money that goes through Washington DC had higher amounts of cocaine on them was because our congressmen were using them to snort cocaine in bulk. We were mistaken. In fact, the truth is far more sinister. The truth is that the place in CS where money is printed is not a factory, it is a warehouse where people are paid in cocaine to hand-make money. The reason why money that is circulated there has higher levels is because this factory puts a ton of cocaine in the air because the employees use so much of it in so many different ways. Thus, the longer dollar bills, or anything, stays in CS the more cocaine it has on it.

soft focus

the slight blur.

faded memories, tear filled eyes.

over exposure.

blinding moments, glowing smiles and halo eyes.

black and white.

distant, unreal, strange.

fade to black.

passage of time, slow separation, death.

 

The People of the Tree

Somewhere there are people, humanoids, who live inside a giant tree. In the center of the tree there is a chamber. Here the people leave their waste and corpses with religious determination. The tree uses this as a food source. In turn The people of this tree are provided sap and fruit. They have been living in this tree for millenia. It is nearly impossible to convince one of these people to leave their home. If you attempt to harm the tree, they will surely kill you and drop your body into the bowels of their living city.

on the film 2012

So I’ve been really upset about this. 2012, the end of the Mayan Calender, isn’t supposed to be the apocalypse. If anything it is supposed to represent a major shift. Not only has Hollywood dumbed this all down in order to make a disaster blockbuster, they have stepped on and used Mayan culture. No Mayan descendants will see a dime. In fact, some may even lose a little pride. I had really hoped that pirates of the Caribbean was going to be the last time we exploited people like this. I guess we aren’t that mature yet. I feel like some of our films are like the final memos that British ambassadors have been writing for centuries.

Galactic Socialism

In the our year 2117, the galactic council decided to extend rights to underprivileged, underdeveloped planets. It was through this legislation that Earth was protected from several catastrophes, including 3 comets and an epidemic of space kittens. Humanity was also provided with several important and rare technologies that allowed it to achieve global peace. No single species could have done so much for Earth on its own. When many worlds came together for our sake, our quality of life increased exponentially.

They asked for nothing in return.

We are all members of a community. If we don’t look out for one another the entire community despairs. Whether you live on the same street or on the opposite side of the galaxy, I’ll do my best to watch to back.

A Scary Story

It was halloween night. I went to the kitchen for a late supper. Inside the freezer I found a human head. The head would take too long to cook in the oven and had too many metal fillings for me to microwave. I checked the refrigerator. It was empty.

OOOoooOOOooo…

 

Parking Meters

Some interstellar parking meters really suck.  Many of them will blow up your space ship if they run out.  On the plus side, some of them double as coffee dispensers.

Minneapolis in Space

Minneapolis is moving into orbit today. The city will lift off to space after several years of preparation. The entire city has been contained in a large dome and will use nuclear power both for propulsion and as an ongoing power source in addition to solar power. It is projected that solar power will be able to meet all of the energy demands of orbital cities within five years time. Several buildings from the outlying areas of the city will lift off on their own or in smaller domes.

Minneapolis will be the fourth city to make the transition.

haunted pants

i felt a queer chill run up my spine as i realized my pants were talking to me. “william, stop sitting on my face. i am very displeased with you. in order to repent i demand ice cream.” at this point in the conversation i realize that the voice of the pants resembles closely the voice of my best friend. “bernice? you bastard.” a radio speaker had been slipped into my pants. i had been hornswagled again! damn you cosmos…